SEO - Whattha?

S..E.O. is an acronym for search engine optimization.   I  understand concepts better when I break them down into smaller components.  First, a search engine is a web-based software program that crawls the internet looking for sites that best match the user’s keywords.  The most common examples of search engines are Google, Yahoo, and Bing.

Optimization is defined in Webster-Miriam as “an act, process, or methodology of making something (as a design, system, or decision) as fully perfect, functional, or effective as possible…” Therefore, S.E.O. is the process of strategically working with aspects of a website to effectively match it to search engine parameters through relevant keywords.

A user types in keywords, “oscillating fans", into the search box on Google.  Google crawls the internet looking for websites that match the keywords then lists them according to relevance, substance and links.

Why S.E.O. should matter to you?

Search engine operators use a formula to determine standings for each site.  Your strategic S.E.O. plan’s goal is to ensure a high placement on the search engine results page (S.E.R.P).  

Google uses links to your site as one determinant of your placement.  The thinking is, if credible sites link to your site then your site must be, by association, credible.  The best way to to get links to your site is great quality digital content.

The areas of your website affected by  S.E.O. plans are titles, content, links, site maps, and pages.  The list is not meant to be exhaustive, it is an example of how important S.E.O. is to your site.

What stage of development?

When thinking about how the search engine will list your site there will be a number of considerations. One such consideration is, at what stage you should begin thinking about S.E.O, ideally, S.E.O. begins in the planning stages.  Don’t be discouraged if your site has been up and running for quite some time it is never too late to take action and partake in S.E.O. friendly best practices.

Thinking about SEO from the get-go is very important.  For example, quality content is instrumental to keeping your site up-to-date, readable, SEO friendly and factual.  Prior to writing your content, consider doing keyword research K.R. K.R. is simply brainstorming the number of ways a consumer might enter keywords into the search engine.  Example, fans that move, turning fans, fans oscillation etc.  Type in the keywords and see what comes up for each combination.

Google researches how users input keywords and in what combination.  The keywords should then be organically placed into the content. You might have a first sentence like, 'The benefits of a fan that oscillates is numerous.  You have used the keywords without making it awkward.

How can you work it into your design and development to be SEO friendly?

As discussed earlier a search engine crawls the internet looking for relevant keywords.  This can affect your design and development in two ways; source code and content.

The source code, "a text listing commands to be compiled or assembled into an executable computer program" (Google), should be included with S.E.O. friendly keywords especially in your title and the first couple of lines of your content.  It would be great if the name of your website could be the keywords people type i.e. www.oscillatingfans.com and it is in one case.  However, after that it’s every site for themselves.  As long as the title contains the keywords or combination of keywords it will still work i.e. www.suziesoscillatingfans.com.

Content needs to be updated often and should continue to include the keywords or combination of keywords.  It may be to your advantage to update your keyword research annually or biannually to keep up with trends.

Another important consideration according to Matt Cutts from Google’s Search Quality Team is when designing your site keep in mind that meta tags have absolutely no bearing on the SERP.  Meta tags are, however, still very useful for the description of your website.  They will use that description for the snippet under the name of your website on the S.E.R.P.


Most of the information provided pertains to Google, because Google is fast becoming the dominant search engine.  Google has learned from past mistakes by combating spammers and other unethical practices.  Google, Yahoo and Bing all provide a great deal of information on how they crawl the web and how you can make your website as S.E.O. friendly as possible.  Go type in some keywords and see what pops up.

3 Great ways to produce content quickly

Learning to write is easy.  Learning to write well is subjective and not so easy.  The best you can hope for is to get your point across and maybe, just maybe, your reader gets something out of what you have written. However, we bloggers, sometimes forget about our audience and think only of getting content fast.  If you're a blogger trying to meet deadlines and you need an article quick you may consider those cheap software programs, but first, follow these three ideas and see what happens. First, try to pick a topic you already know, always think of three main points to make about the topic, and finally, write your main topics first.

Pick a topic you already know

Learning to write quickly is important in the blogging industry, however, quality should also be your focus.  In today's market of digital content people are using software programs to pull off 30/40 articles a day.  Mass produced digital content will lack quality when not much human thought is put into it.  How can a software program connect to your human customers?

Think of three main points to make

When writing content for your audience, or when you hire someone to write for you (like me), look for the three main points to be made.  It is three points because that is standard essay style.  Every simple essay should have; an introduction - what your going to say, three main topic sentences - each a paragraph, and finally a conclusion - what you just said. A standard essay will have at least five paragraphs and each main topic will be backed up.

Write your three main points statement first 

The main topic should be clearly stated in the first sentence of each paragraph and every sentence in that paragraph is meant to back up the main topic sentence.  The sentences after the main topic is the meat of the essay.  The meat of  your essay is an opportunity to solve your reader's problem and show them why your product is the best option for them.

In this essay, I discussed three main topics; writing what you know about,  make sure you have three main topics and write those topics first.  I also discussed, when you use mass produced digital content or buy mass produced digital content you miss the opportunity to show your audience why your product will solve their problem.

There comes a time

There comes a time in everyone's life
The truth must be faced
How you face it
Depends on how you perceive it
My truth isn't easy to face
But face it I must.
I am what I am
That which I always professed not to be
Yet That's who I am
And it hurts to know the truth
It is painful to know I am not what I said
Even if it is only a brief moment in time
I am nothing of what I said I am. 
Take your time it will come.

Rappers Nataanii Means and Witko talk to teenagers in Tyendinaga

TYENDINAGA – On Monday, Tyendinaga Mohawk Territory hosted an evening for the youth at the community centre from 6-9 p.m. The event was called “Empower,” and sought to get youth involved by providing an open mic for young rappers to display their skills. There was also a Q & A for a couple of rappers from South Dakota who put Pine Ridge reservation on the map with their artistry.

Featured on MTV’s Rebel Music, “a powerful new series that explores the lives of young people who are using art and music to ignite change around the world” (MTV World), Nataanii Means and Witko are beating the odds and

taking a stand against racism, poverty and just about any other topic they might be asked to speak about. Monday night they were asked to share their experiences to help empower the Tyendinaga youth.

An event coordinator had heard Nataanii and Witko would be in Toronto at York University and she felt it would be an “excellent opportunity to bring them into our community to share in expression with our youth and our people.” She went on to say, “The point of the night was to showcase young indigenous artists role modelling healthy expression, specifically for the benefit of Tyendinaga’s youth.”

Earlier in the day they stopped at Quinte Mohawk School and talked to the grades 6-8. They showed them the episode of Rebel Music entitled “Native America,” which can be viewed at

After the episode they also had the opportunity to write poetry with some of the classes and talk about some of their experiences.

Means’ first impression of our Haudenosaunee community was one of honour because they were greeted with a social in Akwesasne organized by Tahanikonrahthe Brant.

Means was very impressed with our young men and women dancing and singing at the social, saying, “The youth, honestly, inspired me. We first pulled in and they had a social for us and it was the younger folk dancing and singing. And that’s big because in my community, it’s never usually the younger folk that acknowledge us in such a respectful way, culturally.”

The youth in attendance at the council house were very excited about the evening. Spencer Smart, a young Tyendinagian, said, “I’m here to enjoy the wonderful hip hop show. I love hip hop. There is a strong hip hop community on this reserve, whether we know it or not. You can kind of see it tonight. It was really good, I loved the show.”

Karontatsieh Green stated, “I’m here to support this event in general because I think it connects with the youth, definitely. It’s just something they can all relate to, something we are all familiar with.”

During open mic, Tehanikonrahthe Brant, the young man who organized the social in Akwesasne, was also the DJ for the evening. He rapped a song he wrote, and sang it entirely in Kanyen’keha.

Judging by the number of youth in attendance who took their own messages to the stage, the night was a big success.

It was the Dinosaur's fault

Danny sat quietly, playing with his brand new dinosaurs that his Bubba bought him.  He really wanted his big sister Shayde to play with him, but she was too busy on Mommy’s tablet.

He thought about when his Mom said, "just have fun anyway, without Shayde, then she will see how much fun you're having then she'll want to play with you."  He crawled under the kitchen table, because it was dark down there and began playing with his dinosaurs.  

Shayde could hear her brother growling and then she remembered Bubba had gotten him new dinosaurs.  She shut off the tablet, jumped off the bed, walked through the living room and into the kitchen. 

“Let’s play a game Danny,” she said excitedly to her little brother

“Ok”, said Danny “Let’s play Dino Land”

“Um, Ok, I wanna be this dinosaur,” announced Shayde as she picked up the green and white polka dotted dinosaur holding a fish.  ‘This is going to be my favourite one,’ she thought to herself.  

As they played Shayde kept taking turns away from Danny and making changes to the game. He didn't want her to leave and stop playing with him but Danny could feel his face was getting hot, and his heart felt like it was going to pump out of his chest.  

Finally he yelled, “Stop that!” he began to cry, “Shaaaaaaayde stop that!”  

  

Shayde continued to make him mad, silently giggling to herself.  Danny didn't know why she was being so mean but he didn't like it and he couldn't take it anymore. The next thing he knew, he'd picked up Shayde's 'favourite' dinosaur and threw at her face.  The hard dinosaur hit Shayde in the head.

She screamed in pain. “MOOOOM!” cried Shayde “MOM! MOM!”

“Oh my God, what is it NOW?” said Mom.  She had been listening to them argue all day and she wasn't sure how much more of it she could take.

Shayde, holding her head, tells her mother, “Mommy I was just sitting there, I wasn't doing nothing and Danny hit me really hard with one of those rock hard dinosaurs and it hit me in the head.”

Maddie looked at Danny, as if to ask him for his side of it.

Danny tries to explain, "Mommy, I honestly don't know why the dinosaur decided to do that?" Danny, with his eyebrows raised, shaking his head, looked up at his mom face, to see if she was buyin' it but it would seem she wasn't.  

"No use," he thought to himself. Danny stuck his head into a pillow and cried, “Mommy I didn't mean to, my brain just took over, I tried to stop but I couldn't Mommy, I tried.”

Maddie questioned him, “You were upset and before you knew it, you had hit and hurt your sister with your toy?”   

Nodding his head, Danny confessed, “I’m such a bad brother, I’m so mean” he cried. 

Shayde could see that Danny felt really bad, she hugged her little brother until they felt a little better.  

When they were done, Maddie looked at Danny and said, “Danny, that little voice or whatever you want to call it, in your head that tells you to do things like that, isn't looking out for you.  He is only thinking of himself and it’s your job to make sure he doesn't get his way. It takes practice, lots and lots of practice.  Ok Danny?  Can you do that?”

Danny sat up quickly to think about it because he knows he’s having a big boy's conversation and replies, “What am I supposed to do when Shayde makes me angry?” 

Maddie, holding back a smile at Danny’s choice of words, asks him, “I’m not sure, sweetie, what do you think are some things you can try?” 

“Hmmm, let me think.” He says slowly and puts his finger to his tempo to show his mom he was thinking, “Can I hit the pillow like I do when you make me mad Mommy? “  

Smiling, “Sure.”

“Can I count 1, 2, 3, 7, 5, 3, um” counting fingers to find his place “16, 10?”  Showing mommy all his fingers.

Still smiling, “They sound like great ideas, Danny whatever you decide to do, please remember, no good comes from breaking other people’s stuff.  And always think about how bad you felt afterwards.  You felt good for a second when you threw it, but then you felt bad for a long long time afterwards.  Right?”

Danny nodded.

After that Danny almost forgot a few times but he didn't break anything again.  Not on purpose anyway.  

What Inspires You?

Taking a chance on life takes inspiration.  Yes it takes courage and perseverance, but first you need to be inspired.  Figuring out what inspires you can be a challenge, especially when you get caught up in the day to day of a busy life.  Take the time to sit down and really feel what inspires you.  Write it, draw it, talk about it or create it somehow or some way, so as to be able to articulate it to yourself whenever you feel the lull of your life settling in.

Finding your inspiration is subjective to the individual, no one can tell you how to find your inspiration or tell you what inspires you.  It is uniquely yours, so do what comes naturally.  Use magazines or coloring books to cut out images to symbolize your thoughts. I’ve brought you some of the things that inspire me, I hope you like it.

Please press the subscribe button.  If you have any questions, comments or suggestions feel free to email me erica.l.jamieson@gmail.com . 

A beautiful day on the Bay with the people I love the most in the world often times move me to action.  I see my grandchildren in my children, it makes me want to live longer.

Home made birthday cards from my younger children along with a note from a step-child and the perfect card from my oldest come in handy when I am feeling sorry for myself and unloved!

My dog, so many times I could have laid in bed all day to do nothing but he needs to eat and to be taken for a walk.  A dog feels no need to express their independence

After a long day and more so a day that was difficult, watching the innocence of a young child sleeping reminds of their vulnerability.                                                                   

The sun has been the centre of many ancient culture.  A lack of sun can lead to depression whereas the sun provides you with a sense of well-being.

Nothing like a well timed snapshot!

Life. Instinct. 

Anger is a great call to action emotion

Air, wind, sky and space.  The massivity of space humbles me and yet fills me with possibilities.

Our femininity, like water, is powerful yet gentle and nurturing.

A crisp winter day. 

A trees life is unimaginable

Building a strong foundation

Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) is a discipline that has no short cuts or secret techniques that makes you better. You must train hard, regardless of the voice in your head persuading you “you’re too tired to train”.  That voice only has as much power as you give it.  The more you ignore it, like Jason Stratham, Jackie Chan or Jet Li, you will transcend it.  Morihei Ueshiba said, “Progress comes to those who train and train; reliance on secret techniques will get you nowhere.”  

Great Technique
Great technique only happens when your basics, meaning your stances, punches and kicks, are strong.  If done correctly, your basics will conserve energy and create more power.  There is no secret to perfecting your technique, it is done through repetition.  Repetition results in two important outcomes, it builds and tones the muscles needed for that technique and second, it ensures muscle memory.  

Muscle Memory
Muscle memory happens when you repeat a technique; your muscle will remember the movement and you will feel the difference between a correct and an incorrect technique.  The same holds true for a stance, which makes it important to always follow through, by returning to the appropriate stance.  Your muscles will learn and re-learn your natural state.  A good example is slouching, take note of a child (6 mths to 3 yrs old) when they sit their back is perfectly straight, it is unnatural to slouch and yet many of us do.  

Kung_Fo_Toa_1981: Flickr

Automatic Reactions
Muscle memory also creates automatic reactions, it is the action in your reaction that happen without you consciously being aware of it, or having to tell yourself.  For example, when you eat, you do not tell your hand to grab the fork or your arm to lift the food off the plate and into your mouth, or tell your jaw to chew.

All of those actions are second nature.  By repeatedly throwing a kick punch combo from a perfect stance, it becomes natural, thus when you’re mentally exhausted you will still throw a perfect kick punch combo.  
To beat the voice in your head, train hard.  To perfect a technique use repetition for two reasons; to strengthen your muscles and create muscle memory.  Remember there are no secret techniques or short cuts to training.  Morihei Ueshiba also said, “A good stance and posture reflect a proper state of mind.”

4 Great reasons to run with a partner

Serious marathon training takes a single-minded approach to running.  Marathon endurance will require many considerations; running a mile in 7 minutes, pace training, cross country endurance, muscle memory, food intake and running times.  All this training requires commitment, as your shape your body into becoming a carriage of your dreams.  The right partner could take your training to the next level.  A partner who is roughly equal to your level of fitness would enhance your training and ultimately bring out your competitive nature, ensure accountability, apply consistency to your training, and motivate you when you need it most. 

Competition pushes our training further

Running alone and beating your own time is helpful but running against a partner will stir in you a desire to win.  Although a marathon requires a black belt of endurance, the beginning and end of a long run needs more of a brawler to separate yourself from the others. 

Busying your mind, in the moment, to winning will benefit you by taking your mind off the conversation in your head.  If you’re an avid runner you may enjoy running alone to work off stress, however, marathon training may cause more chatter as your endurance improves.  Focusing on winning against your partner, especially if you’re feeling competitive, will quiet the chatter in your head.

Accountability for our fitness 

Goal setting is an important component to training and requires benchmarks to ensure you’re on track.  A partner will help you to stay the course and provide feedback conducive to improving your level of fitness. 

It isn’t as easy talk your partner out of a 5:00 am run as it is yourself.  When it is time to train you are not only accountable for your time but for your partner’s time as well.  Ideally when you’re feeling stagnant you can rely on your partner to crack the whip to keep the two of you moving. 

Consistency in our workouts

Running with someone else will help you to run consistently.  When you run with someone else you naturally run together keeping each other even rather than slowing down and speeding up.  Your partner and you will keep each other moving at a consistent pace.   

Your partner can provide an objective perspective about your training.  We are subjective and often blind of our own flaws or overly critical.  A partner will provide you with an objective look at yourself.  You will be able to identify more clearly where you need help and where your strengths lie. 

Motivating our partner and ourselves

Hearing, “you can do it”, will provide a great deal more motivation than, “20 more minutes?  I just can’t, maybe just 10, that’ll do it, think I will stop now”.  Hearing encouragement from your partner and saying it to your partner can provide that extra push you need.  Motivating your partner will motivate you.

Picking a partner who you can inspire will only motivate you to work harder.  The goal is push yourself to the next level to give you a fighting chance at finishing the race.  If you are like most then you are your own worst critic.  You and your partner can celebrate each other’s victories regardless of how small.

Training with a partner can be the difference between a mile in 7 minutes or a mile in 6 minutes.  Regardless of what happens in the marathon at least training with a partner means you are sure to have more fun.  Ultimately, isn’t that what life is all about?  

Language Revitalization

As an English speaking parent, I have always felt the shame when an outsider asked me what language I spoke, other than English. So when Tsi Tyonnheht Onkwawenna Language and Cultural Centre started Kawenna on:we Primary Mohawk Immersion in September 2011, I immediately registered two of my daughters for the program. If you were to ask me why, I would try to articulate something about identity and self-esteem, but that just does not seem to adequately answer the question.

Mohawk language students Ejijewah and Goniksadoh checking out a map of Kahnawake

Going to school in Six Nations in the ‘70’s meant an afternoon of instruction a week. Ms. Issacs, a very sweet lady, spent the afternoon teaching us numbers, colors, social songs and longhouse dances. Sadly, I do not remember much. When Six Nations started their first immersion program in the late 90’s, I sent my eldest daughter to I.L. Thomas Cayuga Immersion. Back then I responded to “why?” with, because I cannot teach her.

Deciding to move to Tyendinaga, in 2007 was difficult, insomuch that Tyendinaga did not have an immersion program. When my stepson came home from school and said, “Did you know we came across the Bering Strait?” was when I decided to homeschool my children. So then my answer became, I want them to learn our ways. But the answer as to why still does not seem answered.

Tsi Tyonnheht Onkwawenna Language and Cultural Centre was beginning to make headway with viable funding. It could not have been more timely, as I was considering moving back to Six Nations for the children’s education. Soon the applications for Grades 1 to 4 Primary Immersion were circulated. The children began school and before long they could recite a short version of the Thanks Giving Address.

My eldest has long since completed her immersion programming and now attends Western University. The next eldest has completed two years of Mohawk Immersion at Kawenna on:we Primary Mohawk Immersion, my third eldest is going into grade four and my son has completed the Totahne Language Nest and is in grade 1. I may not have had an answer to why but I believe I have one now.

Learning in our language changes how we think especially if started at a very young age.

I cannot speak for everyone, but I know growing up with little to no exposure to Haudensaunee ceremonies, language, and values left me with an unexplainable emptiness. I never understood it, I just knew it was there until my eldest, as a child, came home crying because her cousin was, “throwing paper all over mother earth.” Because she was taught so much more through the language she had what I was missing. And that is the spiritual connection to the environment. To our Mother. She saw “how beautiful Mother Earth” is and that changed how she viewed her world.

Since then I have not looked back, now my children learn Mohawk and after a year in Kawenna on;we Primary Mohawk Immersion School my son chants, rather loudly, “I, u eh, u eh, I, u eh u a eh, u eh ha u eh, hum ba dee mo do, hum ba husha, we ya ne we yane”. It is a medley of stomp dance songs. Clearly a step up from, “I’m sexy and I know it.” Now if asked why I send my children to Kawenna on:we Primary Mohawk School in Tyendinaga my answer is simply, “Because it’s the right thing to do.”

The Importance of Moments

Let’s say you found the perfect lover, so you cheat.  You find a partner who listens, so you scream.  Or you’ve just received a promotion at work, so you “celebrate” for a week and go into work hung over and/or late for the next week. 

It doesn’t have to be as grandiose as ruining your life, it could be something relatively minor.  You’re supposed to study for your mid-terms but you have an unexpected urge to talk to your estranged friend or clean up your suddenly dirty house.  Despite your best intentions it seems like something always goes wrong. 

We don’t consciously sabotage ourselves, at least, we don’t think we do.  But if we are honest with ourselves we know there was a moment when it could have gone a different way.  When you think back to those moments, prior to engaging in some destructive behaviour, just before the action there was a moment, seemingly frozen, when you could make an alternative choice.  That moment is the universe giving you an opportunity to do the right thing. 

It might look the same but it isn't

After doing something the same way so many times it becomes second nature.  Like moving your head or standing up, it just happens.  Someone says, “Hey want to go to the casino?” and without even thinking about it off you go. 

Only you have the power to change the way things go for you.  It’s easy to blame someone else, but ultimately the only person who has control over you, is you.  The next time you are about to embark on an adventure that leads you astray just stop everything you’re doing and think about it.  Think about the consequences, think about what matters to you. 

When you take those moments, you give yourself an opportunity to see you have a choice.  The more times you do it, the longer those moments become.  Those are your moments and no one can take them from you, and by taking those moments you begin to take control of your life.   

Improving your memory

Memory

Memory is the brain’s ability to absorb, keep and recall information. Derived from philosophy the study of memory began during the late 19th and early 20th century.  Memory studies are part of cognitive psychology which in more recent years is more commonly known as cognitive neuroscience.

When presented with an external stimuli your brain processes information then encodes it and stores it until needed.  Once stored away the brain utilizes a variety of methods to recall that information.  The more pathways to the information, the better your retention and subsequently the better your recall.  

There are countless methods to improve memory. If you want your brain to be active and retain vital information, despite your age, you must help keep it healthy.  A healthy lifestyle is paramount to a healthy brain.  Luckily, your brain is a muscle and muscles can be worked and enhanced. 

Alcohol and Drugs

Alcohol in moderation or complete abstinence is recommended.  Alcohol is a depressant, although we think we are happy when we have one too many, the next day’s hangover proves the point.  If you must drink or prefer to, then keep alcohol to a minimum, one to two glasses of wine. 

Narcotics and other drugs, both street and prescribed have an adverse effect over long term use.  Street drugs kill brain cells.  Our brain cells are the only cells that do not rejuvenate, therefore once the cells die so does any information that was stored on it.  Therefore abstinence is also recommended, otherwise use as prescribed.     

Tobacco is included in this category because it is a stimulant.  Tobacco is cut with all kinds of poisons thus it decreases your oxygen intake.  The importance of oxygen is included with physical activity.

Physical Activity

Being in shape provides a sense of well-being and confidence.  When you take care of your body it is one less thing for your brain to worry about i.e. you are less likely to be depressed or in a rut.  Exercise provides an outlet for deleting stress.  Less stress means a relaxed body thus keeping your mind alert.

Physical activity increases oxygen intake, increased oxygen means increased awareness and alertness. Essentially, your brain uses oxygen as food.  Oxygen is delivered to the brain through the bloodstream, exercise increases the blood flow throughout your body thus increasing your oxygen intake.

Sleep

Sleeping and resting is just as important as exercise.  Sleep is the time when your body rids itself of toxins and other unnecessary items you’ve accumulated throughout the day.  Sleep allows your brain to shut down bodily functions and concentrate on specific tasks that may need to be worked out i.e. if you’re sick, sleeping in the best way to get yourself better because your brain begins working on the virus or bacteria. 

   

Mental Exercises to Improve Your Memory

There are interactive activities you can engage in to work your brain matter.  Card games, simple math questions and brain game websites.  Each activity affects a different aspect of the brain.  Taking the above suggestions couple with the suggested games and you will soon feel the quickness and alertness of a healthy brain.   

Card Games

Card games like Concentration, Gin Rummy, Bridge, Hearts, and Euchre require the player to retain cards in play and apply problem-solving strategies.  Card games are fun and provide social interaction whether you play in-person or online.

Simple Math Questions

Simple add/subtract or multiply/division questions that may or may not require simple order of operations completed within a time limit is a great solitaire activity that will improve brain function.

 Online websites

If you type “brain games” into a search engine you literally get millions of options.  Brain games are fun and easy to play.  Some sites require you to become a member, it usually a matter of leaving your email address.  There are some great sites that are free like sharpbrain.com or braingames.com or paid sites like luminosity.com.   

Facing the Pain

Ever feel something so painful that you're too afraid to feel it, because then whatever is hurting you becomes real, and when it becomes real you just know the pain is unbearable?  That's the kind of pain that comes with loss.  Loss of a spouse, a family member, a friend, or God forbid a child.  There is no pain greater than loss either through death or otherwise.  The end of a relationship is a death to your heart and thus a grieving process; it's important to not rush through the process.  So when you're ready take a deep breath and slowly guide yourself to your where you need to be.

• If you have been holding in the pain for a while it may take some time to bring it up.  You might need some help, like playing music, talking it out, or writing in a journal may help you to bring it to the surface.  
• When you start to feel it rising pay attention to your thoughts.   Your brain's job is to protect you, it will do this by keeping you from feeling, so you end up just thinking instead feeling.  Therefore you need to push thoughts aside and allow yourself to feel.  The more times you do the easier it will become. 
• It takes more than one cry.  It may take 3 or 300, regardless, each time you allow yourself to feel it then you are that much closer to letting it go.  
• Close the wound when it's time to move on.  There is a time and place for everything, if you leave the wound open your setting yourself up to be hurt again.  
• You need something else to take its place.  The pain has been taking up space, and once you start removing it then there needs to be something else to replace it, like acceptance and love through a new friendship 

Pain doesn't seem like a good thing but it is.  Pain means healing, allow yourself to feel so that you can heal. Take the time for yourself like you would be for any of your friends.  How many times have you sat on the phone for hours on end just listening, do the same for yourself?  

"The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." Lao-Tzu

 A well-planned out detox session ensures a constructive home spa experience.

For optimum health your body requires a balanced diet, an abundance of H2O and uninterrupted sleep.  

Ideally, regularly choosing fresh whole foods; foods that are closer to their “natural state” are more beneficial.  They include but are not limited to all fish, lean meats and low-fat dairy products.  

 Unsaturated fats are the good fat.  Eat plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables and keep processed sugar products to a minimum.  Limit your intake of caffeine and alcohol.  

Minor dehydration affects all aspects of our well-being; mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual self.  Water flushes toxins from our system thus abetting absorption and transportation of nutrients.  

Choosing bottled water means choosing a “non-sparkling spring water with a low mineral and sodium content” or better yet use filtered water.  Eight glasses of filtered water a day to keep the toxins at bay.  

When detoxing, aim to increase your water intake.  

A glass first thing in the morning and last thing before bed, always have water readily available and eat foods with high water content like celery and lettuce.  When you sleep your body is working hard to flush out toxins in your body, that`s why the bathroom is your first stop when you wake up.  Sleep is a time of renewal and regeneration, therefore following a routine sleep schedule will help keep your body running smoothly.

“When you sleep, your body rests and restores its energy levels. However, sleep is an active state that affects both your physical and mental well-being. A good night's sleep is often the best way to help you cope with stress, solve problems, or recover from illness.” (www.webmd.com)

Life Coach

What is a Life Coach?

A life coach is a person you pay to keep you on track.  Think of her/him as a personal trainer for your life.  She helps you to define your goals more clearly, she helps you to be realistic and accountable in completing them, and sometimes kicks your butt when you need it.  You can think of him as a mapper, he will help you to map out your goals based on your needs and supports your process as you move towards a happier, healthier life.

Who needs one?

If your motivated but just not sure what steps to take next then a coach would he helpful. If you have areas of your life that are doing great and other areas are not so great then a coach will help you to find that balance.  If you know where you want to go but don't know all the steps or unsure of your resources then a coach could be for you.

What to look for in a Life Coach.

A life coach needs to be a great listener and visionary.  He needs to be able see what you see when you picture the direction of your life.  The only way he can do that is to listen, it is through you he will be able to see.  A Life Coach doesn't appease you.  He doesn't judge you.  You need to determine your needs first, prior deciding.  Ask yourself what kind of person will you respect even if they disagree with you.

You need to be honest about yourself during this process, do you conform or rebel when your backed into a corner.  Picking the right coach is the difference between a positive or negative life changing experience.  So pick wisely.

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Top Ten Rated Films by Psychologists

According to Find a Psychologist.org these are the top ten self-help movies.

Psychologists' Top-Rated Self-Help Films

1. Temple Grandin (autism & Asperger’s)

2. Iris (dementia/Alzheimer’s)

3. Milk (gay, lesbian, bisexual issues)

4. Ordinary People (suicide/death & grieving) 

5. I Never Sang for My Father (men’s issues)

6. On Golden Pond (aging) 

7. Billy Elliot (men’s issues) 

8. Away from Her (dementia/Alzheimer’s) 

9. The Joy Luck Club (families & stepfamilies) 

10. The Squid and the Whale (divorce)

Self Help from SelfGrowth.com- -SelfGrowth.com is the most complete guide to information about Self Help on the Internet.

Self-Help Books

What is a self-help book?  

Its natural to equate self-help with self-improvement, however; self-help is more closely related to self-support or self-assistance, I would go so far as self-acceptance.  I think Toft would disagree, he writes in his blog, "Self-help books take us quickly into the jaws of paradox. On the one hand, we are told to accept ourselves. On the other, we are counseled to improve ourselves." I don't think its a matter of being on one hand or the other, its makes more sense, that we get help accepting ourselves.  

Usually that means accepting that we are affected by childhood issues and dealing with them, accepting we are angry with ourselves because we eat too much or not enough, mainly it comes down to accepting we have no control over our past anymore, so we need to deal with the emotions so that we can balance ourselves out.

And with any luck a self-help book can help us begin that process..